How It Works
Source: Emotional Agility
1. Recall a recent tiff you had with a friend or partner. Take a minute to jot down what specifically bothered you, how you felt, and what you did as a result.
2. As you think through these details ask yourself if you are responding to something that is really present in your relationship today or if you are responding to the conditions of a previous relationship. For example, if you snapped at your partner about not listening to you, did it come from a place of you truly not feeling heard in your relationship or was it because you haven't felt heard in a past relationships?
3. If the issue does exist today, address it with your partner by speaking about the conflict from your perspective and give them a chance to also speak about it from theirs. As you approach the conversation, give some of these tips a go.
4. If you suspect the issue is from your past, take time to notice your behaviors around it. What are you assuming is happening and how does that make you feel? What specifically is your partner doing that might be triggering you? What behaviors are you displaying as a result?
5. Then, consider whether your behaviors in #4 are still beneficial to you. If they aren't, how might you respond differently next time?